I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
