I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
