is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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