We're like a lot better than the average bears
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
