A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
