shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
