I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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