porn star boner night. come get it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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