If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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