she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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