What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize