This house was built for laser tag.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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