If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
high people should be assigned attendants
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
