FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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