stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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