Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
