Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
