Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
