Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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