worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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