dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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