Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
