I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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