I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
