Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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