I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My pussy is not your playground.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
