Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
