Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
