I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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