Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
