then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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