walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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