all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
