90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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