I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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