Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
