I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
