my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
