ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
