I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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