Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You ruined the universe
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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