I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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