You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
