Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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