Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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