Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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