Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
