does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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