I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
