dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
