god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it's like iHOP with fire
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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