She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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