Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
