he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
