woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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