I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
