1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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