I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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