sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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