I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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