i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
