Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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