Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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