You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
